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"In the velvet darkness
 of the blackest night
 burning bright
 there's a guiding star
 no matter what or who you are...
  There's a light
      in the darkness
          of everybody's life"
                               Richard O'Brien
                               Rocky Horror Picture Show

… and if you sang that instead of just reading it, you will appreciate how much of a “Time Warp” this whole experience has been for me … 

Sprinting towards the finish line

My husband surprised me with a wonderful gift for Christmas – a 90 minute massage! I decided to use it before my next infusion and scheduled the appointment for Wednesday, January 23. Upon my arrival, I had to fill out some forms, which included a health history. When it got to the question, “have you ever had cancer?”, I habitually checked no…and then reality punched me in the gut and I sat there and had a small panic attack/pity party as I scratched out the “no” and slowly checked the “yes” box.  I was thankful that the little waiting area was dimly lit, so no one could see my tears. As the masseuse came to introduce herself and show me to her room, she glanced over my forms and asked if there were any signs of cancer on my latest scan. I told her no, but asked why that information was needed.  She explained that a massage can release toxins from the muscles and actually cause any current cancer cells to enlarge or multiply – yikes!  I was a little hesitant to continue, but alas I reminded myself and informed her that the only thing the last several scans had shown was scar tissue. I smiled, took a deep breath and let all stress and tension be released from my body for the next hour and a half.

Thursday, January 24, 2019 – Imfinzi #21.  Dr. H and I went over my latest x-ray, which  showed the scar tissue was actually starting to dissipate.  My blood levels looked good, so I got comfortable for the next hour and did a word search puzzle as the infusion dripped through my IV.  While I was checking out with the secretary, I could already feel myself spiraling down toward a weekend on the couch, which is exactly what happened.

Saturday, February 2, 2019 – We celebrated my birthday with dinner out,  surrounded by a few friends. So different from my birthday last year, and hard to believe another year has scooted right on by.

Thursday, February 7, 2019 – Imfinzi #22 – For the second time since this all started, the nurse had a difficult time accessing my port, meaning it took several attempts to pull blood from it and she had to flush it numerous times before it would work.  It doesn’t hurt when they flush it, it just causes a little bit of panic on my part, because my brain starts playing the “what if” game. Once it was working, the infusion went well and I was out of there in less than 90 minutes.  I made it home just in time to lay down, as this one made me more nauseous than I had been in a while.

Thursday, February 21, 2019 – Imfinzi #23 – Met with Dr. H to schedule a PET Scan.  My blood work was in the normal range and the infusion went off without any trouble from my port.  I went home and had my usual bowl of soup and closed my eyes to rest, as the exhaustion that always accompanies me afterwards came to take over. My husband was out of town on a week-long business trip to Italy and, since it was an infusion week, my oldest son came home that afternoon and stayed until Sunday.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, I guess (everything happens for a reason) he was here when our beautiful pup broke her leg Friday evening.  We rushed her to the animal emergency hospital where it was determined that her age, and the condition of her poor body showing signs of cancer, which, more than likely, had caused the break when she fell in the back yard.  My husband wouldn’t be home from his trip until late the next night, so it was decided that she be put on some heavy pain meds until he got home and could say his goodbyes.  As heart wrenching as it was, it was even harder to watch my boys lose their childhood pet. I am so grateful that the four of us were together to love her and help her cross over the Rainbow Bridge.

Thursday, March 7, 2019 – Imfinzi #24 – Since the weekend, I had a feeling of heaviness and tightness in my chest. It hurt to breath deeply – not like a sharp pain, but like an ache.  I informed the nurse as soon as she checked my blood and hooked me up to the IV.  She said it could be from the back and forth weather we had been experiencing, and advised me to start using my Albuterol inhaler regularly for a few days to see if that would help. The recovery from this infusion took over a week, as I just didn’t feel very good at all.  This made it rough to get things in order for my son and daughter-in-law’s baby shower that was coming up fast.

Saturday, March 16, 2019 – We hosted a baby shower to help welcome our grandson, who is due to arrive at the end of May.  It was the first day since my latest infusion that I felt half way like myself.  We had a great time with family and friends and it was so nice to be focused on my next big adventure, instead of the one that will soon be over.

Thursday, March 21, 2019 – Imfinzi #25 – Once again, my port was acting up and it took some time and flushing before the infusion was started.  While I was being hooked up, the nurse told me that my insurance had denied the PET Scan that was scheduled for the following week and that they were putting in an order for a CT Scan with contrast, from my neck to my knees, instead.  Don’t get me wrong – I am very grateful for our insurance company, as they have paid for roughly 95% off every treatment, test, hospitalization, and surgery I have had.  A PET Scan would show, almost without a doubt, if there was any signs of cancer in my body, and I very much want (need) that clarification.  The reason the insurance company gave for denying it was that I didn’t have a recent scan that showed any signs of a tumor (for that I am elated) and they couldn’t justify needing a Pet Scan.  As I was getting ready to go home, the secretary smiled and said, “only one more”, and that brightened the dark feelings I was having over the Pet Scan issue.  Her words also gave me the idea for the theme of this post.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019 – The full body CT Scan was also denied by the insurance company (for the same reason the Pet Scan was denied), so I just had the usual CT Scan (with contrast) of my chest.  The dye that is injected via IV doesn’t normally bother me, beyond the day of the test, but this time I felt the effects for several days. Nausea, swimming feeling in my head, no energy. Just plain blah.  I don’t know if it was the scan or the infusions, but I felt horrible on the trip to and from my son and daughter-in-law’s house that weekend for the second baby shower.  Thankfully, I only felt bad while in the car and not the whole time we were there.

Thursday, April 4, 2019 – Imfinzi #26 – FINAL INFUSION – DONE – FINE – FINISHED – HOORAH – HOORAY!  Brian took the day off and we saw Dr. H to get the results of my last scan.  No signs of cancer!  The scar tissue continues to dissipate!  The fluid that was in my left lung on the previous scan is gone!  WAIT…WHAT??? I didn’t even know I had any fluid in my lung.  It was never mentioned.  In all probability, that is why I was feeling the tightness in my chest and the ache/pain when I tried to take a deep breath for several weeks.  Well, at least it is gone!  Dr. H’s office doesn’t have a bell to ring when treatments are done, so I brought my own little “motel front desk type bell” with me and I rang it several times as I was leaving the office, along with the nurses, secretary and, of course, Brian – ding ding ding!!!

Next Steps

LIVE!

Welcome grandson into the world!

Celebrate 30 years of marriage!

Dr. H suggested that I look into becoming a patient advocate, so I put it on my list of things I plan to check out.  So many possibilities and I am so very excited to move forward and figure it all out!

I have an appointment with Dr. M, my radiation doctor, on Friday, April 12, for an annual checkup. 

I have a visit with Dr. H for blood work and to have my port flushed on Tuesday, May 20.  Ports have to be either accessed for IV or flushed every six to eight weeks, as long as you have them, or they can cover over with scar tissue.

I will have a scan in August, and then a visit with Dr. H for the results, blood work and a port flush.  If all looks good at this visit, I will be scheduled for out-patient surgery to have my port removed – woohoo!

For the next three years, I will have a scan every four month, which will then go to every six months for a couple of years and then once a year until he says I don’t need them anymore.

When one door closes – kick another door open!

So, after 6 rounds of chemotherapy, 30 radiation treatments and 26 immunotherapy infusions, all over the course of 18 months, I am cancer free!

A huge thank you to everyone who lifted me up and supported me on this journey with your hope, prayers, visits, cards, gifts, flowers, positive thoughts, and love. My gratitude is beyond measure!

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.”

“Surviving cancer is not the end of a gruesome story, it is the beginning of a beautiful one.”

I. BEAT. CANCER!

Love and Peace to All!!!

Kat